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One only needs to take a quick glance around to notice that there are very few true gentlemen remaining among us. In times past, a gentleman was much appreciated and being gentlemanly was a noble thing.
Alas, things have changed in today's society; some for the better and some for the worse. One thing that particularly irks me is the lack of good taste and etiquette most guys are guilty of at the turn of this new millennium.
I'm not saying that men should act like robots and be slaves to etiquette, but some basic good manners will go a long way in helping you during your ascent to the top.
Always be polite
Even if you don't like someone, there is no need to lower yourself to their level. Be polite and courteous; show that you're the better man.
Do not curse
Swearing is a big no-no. It shows that you don't have the vocabulary to express your thoughts appropriately. Furthermore, it is always very crude and impolite to be vulgar.
Do not speak loudly
When you speak loudly, it raises the stress level among company. It always implies that you can't reason with people and rely on "brute force" to get your point across. It also draws attention -- negative attention.
Do not lose your temper
When you lose your temper, you are showing everyone that you can't control your emotions. If you can't even control yourself, then how can you possibly control anything else? Keep your cool at all times (it won't be easy but it is worth the effort) and people will take positive note of your level headedness.
Do not stare
Ogling someone is the equivalent of psychological aggression. You don't want to intimidate people for no reason.
Do not interrupt
Let people finish what they are saying before adding your comments. Interrupting others is a sign of poor etiquette and a lack of social skills. If you want to come across as egotistical, you can do so by constantly interrupting.
Do not spit
A lot of men do this almost subconsciously. Spitting is very crude and not too pretty to look at. Do not spit in public unless you want to look like you were raised in a sewer.
Respect your elders
In fact, you should respect others as you would like them to respect you. I am specifying elders because it seems that today, young men think they know it all. Well, they don't. Just think of yourself five years ago... you're much smarter and experienced today, aren't you? Of course, yet you thought you knew it all five years ago.
by Michael Bucci
Book Review...
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Buzz and Israel
by Charlie Vazquez (Fireking Press 2005)
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More than anything, Charlie Vazquez's first novel is about a search for a fully realized and worthy Self. Such a quest is typical and de rigueur for all the young, but even more so for disenfranchised gay youth. Vazquez places his title characters, Buzz & Israel, in the context of the marginalized "punk" and underground criminal world that often takes advantage of those who fall intentionally or not, into it. This further heightens the sense of alienation of the young men as each strives to survive. Who but a few among us have escaped even a brush with this element of life in our growing up and coming out.
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The story, familiar to many gay men who have searched for identity and community as they come to accept their sexual orientation, is tragic and dark. There is no redemption or escape from the tangled mess of their lives and circumstance. These two represent a sector of the community that is left behind or pushed aside and is similar in this respect to the underclass of the majority. Without proper guidance or mentorship their choices lead them further and further away from attaining their true core needs; love, acceptance, companionship, and success. It is, in more than a few ways, at least at its core, an every-gay-man story.
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Israel, a Puerto Rican orphan from New York City has gotten caught up in the schemes of others who use him, his beauty and his innocence, for their own gratification. Buzz, a truly lost soul who has been objectified his whole life, uses his raw outsider persona to woo and seduce Israel into a chaotic world of drugs, crime, and what many non-gay readers may consider debauchery. Older gay readers will recognize many of the characters from their own pasts, especially those who have gone a long way from home and the culture that rejected them. Many of the scenes will evoke memories of the worst moments in our youthful exploration and for the younger, less worldly and experienced reader it will give a concrete and vivid picture of what can happen if they too get caught up in their own illusions and the nearly inescapable delusional net of the predator's seductions.
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The plot takes them down the west coast from Oregon into California, over into the deserts of Arizona, ending finally in Israel's hometown borough. Along the way Buzz introduces Israel to his circle of seedy compadres that he gathered around him over the years and the world where he is a big fish in a small murky pond. We meet lonely and often lecherous men looking for fresh meat, fences for stolen loot, hustlers, drug addicts, musicians, drag queens and trannies. Many are stock characters we all recognize and few, save the shamanesque Andrea Gina and Israel's adoptive clan of Santerians, are as uniquely original as they think they are or have to be. This heightens the sad, dark feeling that permeates the book. Like the berdache, the trannie Andrea Gina is the lone voice of good sense and reason. She is a heroine whose best efforts are only temporarily relieving. The Santerians, who are the most deftly fleshed out of all the characters, try the best as they know how within their worldview to save Israel also wind up being ineffective. They too represent a closed society in which the uninitiated and weaker can be devoured, albeit by "saints".
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Handwritten chronologically from beginning to end in Portland cafes over several years, the story unfolds slowly and somewhat heavy handedly with effected language and literary conceits. Not until the two main characters take to the road does the story pick up speed and a clear voice. The middle chapters read quickly and cleanly, each scene rolls seamlessly to the next, making it the most enjoyable part of the book. Being a young writer, Vazquez hits many of the potholes all first time novelists do and for that reason can be rightly forgiven. The story is compelling in the same way rubbernecking a bad accident is - it is disquieting, painful to look at, but instinctually necessary to witness if only to show us what can happen if we don't pay attention to the signs in the road. Some may liken it to the gritty, raw texture of Burroughs or Genet, but Vazquez is too young to have their expertise and voice. That naiveté adds to the tragic feel of the story in a way the older, more jaded and derelict novelists couldn't. It works to Vazquez's advantage.
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Buzz and Israel is a necessary read if only because it represents a milieu that has been denied a voice by our culture in most places other than music where angst and rage are readily accepted motifs - perhaps because songs are more easily palatable for the shortness of their exposition and their time limited marketability based on trend and profit margins.
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This novel lingers, hovers like volcanic ash falling from a darkened sky and leaves an acrid taste in one's mouth and heavy dust on the heart. And, this is as it should be if this story is to have its intended impact. Vazquez has accurately reflected back to us that part of ourselves and our society that many so tenaciously try to ignore or push out of consciousness. It belongs to a queer fiction genre now becoming familiar and accepted by gay readers as we become a more established community that doesn't necessarily always have to put out a positive, most times defensive, spin for the public for political and social gain. It is offensive, and in the end shows quite clearly that the gay community, just like the straight one, has a dark underbelly that must be seen and acknowledged if the community as an inclusive whole is to become balanced, humane, and compassionate.
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Review by Mark Hannan 2005
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Obtain a copy of Buzz and Israel
http://www.firekingpress.com/author.htm
The Light and Shadow Tarot - A Review
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a review by Sarah Ovenall
The Light and Shadow Tarot is a marvelous example of an all-too-rare occurance: a deck that works on both the artistic and esoteric levels. The deck was created as a series of linoleum block prints by the late German artist Michael Goepford, and originally published in a limited edition as the Contrast Tarot. Goepford's art has been re released as a deck and book set (book written by Brian Williams) by Destiny Books.
Goepford's art is superb. Tarot enthusiasts accustomed to decks that look like illustrations from a sword and sorcery novel will find Light and Shadow a pleasant change of pace. The cards show all the expressiveness associated with block prints, but are finely detailed, with delicate, clean lines. As is common with block prints, the cards are all black and white. Unusual for a Tarot deck, but fortunately the cards are well-printed with deep blacks. The effect is not one of cheapness but of rich, complex art. At 5.5 by 4.25 inches, the cards are fairly large: with my relatively small hands, I had difficulty shuffling at first. I find that turning the cards sideways makes them much easier to shuffle.
Structurally the Light and Shadow Tarot is a standard 78-card deck. For the most part, the trumps retain their traditional names and ordering. Justice is 8 and Strength 11. The only alteration in naming is Death, which is called "The Endless Dance of Death." The imagery on
the trumps keeps fairly close to tradition, though Goepford has made some modifications. The Emperor, for example, stands at a podium with arms outstretched, in front of a city.
Temperance features a male angel, pouring water from one cup to the other behind his back. Death shows a man dancing with a skeleton. Between the towers on the Moon sits a four poster bed. The World shows an African mother figure giving birth to the world in the shape of a turtle. All the trumps feature rich symbolic imagery; every corner of each card is filled with tiny details that add additional meaning, reflective of Goepford's interpretation of that trump.
The minors are generally based on Waite, though a few minors are based on Thoth (for example the Four of Cups, Four of Swords and Eight of Pentacles). Goepford does exercise some creative freedom in interpreting the minors.
The Two of Cups, for example, shows in Indian man and woman seated on a lotus, embracing in a clearly sexual position, while water pours from their cups and over their heads. The Two of Pentacles shows a white and black man clasping each others' faces, with a snake wrapped around their waists to form an infinity symbol.
In some cases I find that Goepford neatly skewers a meaning with an image totally unlike that of Waite. For example, his 5 of Swords depicts farmers using swords in a vain attempt to fend off a swarm of locusts.
To me, this illustrates the concept of "futility" much more clearly than Pamela Colman Smith's image. Like the trumps, the minor cards are richly illustrated with symbolic details. Each minor also bears astrological symbols, to add meaning for readers who combine astrology and
Tarot. Some of the cards contain partial nudity (the Lovers, Judgment and the Devil for example) and occasional sexually explicit poses (Two of Cups and the Lovers). Nothing too overt in my opinion, but you might want to think
before using this deck to read for the unusually prudish, or for children. (The imagery on some of the "darker" cards, such as the Ten of Swords or the Tower, is also pretty expressive and might unsettle a child.)
The book accompanying Light and Shadow is as enjoyable as the deck. The book was written by Brian Williams, creator of the Renaissance Tarot and Pomo Tarot, based on interviews with Goepford. The same size as the cards, the book fits into a small box with the deck, making it easier to carry than decks that include full-sized books. The book is attractively produced, with
a much more professional look than many I have seen. It includes detailed interpretations, with a clear reproduction of each card, and (rather cleverly I think) one element of each card is clipped and used as an ornament on the page, in place of a drop cap.
The book also includes a brief biography of the artist, with examples of his non-Tarot work. The only weak part of the book is its treatment of interpretations: a half-dozen pages, most of which are taken up by yet another presentation of the Celtic Cross, finishing up with a recommendation that the reader try Mary Greer's Tarot for Yourself. This section reads like an afterthought and would have been better left out entirely in my opinion.
Light and Shadow Tarot is one of my favorite decks, a highlight of my collection, and is the deck I read with most often. I highly recommend Light and Shadow Tarot as an art deck for collectors, to readers who want a fresh perspective on the Golden Dawn tradition, and for anyone interested in block print art.
Review Copyright 1998 by Sarah Ovenall; used with permission
a review by Sarah Ovenall
The Light and Shadow Tarot is a marvelous example of an all-too-rare occurance: a deck that works on both the artistic and esoteric levels. The deck was created as a series of linoleum block prints by the late German artist Michael Goepford, and originally published in a limited edition as the Contrast Tarot. Goepford's art has been re released as a deck and book set (book written by Brian Williams) by Destiny Books.
Goepford's art is superb. Tarot enthusiasts accustomed to decks that look like illustrations from a sword and sorcery novel will find Light and Shadow a pleasant change of pace. The cards show all the expressiveness associated with block prints, but are finely detailed, with delicate, clean lines. As is common with block prints, the cards are all black and white. Unusual for a Tarot deck, but fortunately the cards are well-printed with deep blacks. The effect is not one of cheapness but of rich, complex art. At 5.5 by 4.25 inches, the cards are fairly large: with my relatively small hands, I had difficulty shuffling at first. I find that turning the cards sideways makes them much easier to shuffle.
Structurally the Light and Shadow Tarot is a standard 78-card deck. For the most part, the trumps retain their traditional names and ordering. Justice is 8 and Strength 11. The only alteration in naming is Death, which is called "The Endless Dance of Death." The imagery on
the trumps keeps fairly close to tradition, though Goepford has made some modifications. The Emperor, for example, stands at a podium with arms outstretched, in front of a city.
Temperance features a male angel, pouring water from one cup to the other behind his back. Death shows a man dancing with a skeleton. Between the towers on the Moon sits a four poster bed. The World shows an African mother figure giving birth to the world in the shape of a turtle. All the trumps feature rich symbolic imagery; every corner of each card is filled with tiny details that add additional meaning, reflective of Goepford's interpretation of that trump.
The minors are generally based on Waite, though a few minors are based on Thoth (for example the Four of Cups, Four of Swords and Eight of Pentacles). Goepford does exercise some creative freedom in interpreting the minors.
The Two of Cups, for example, shows in Indian man and woman seated on a lotus, embracing in a clearly sexual position, while water pours from their cups and over their heads. The Two of Pentacles shows a white and black man clasping each others' faces, with a snake wrapped around their waists to form an infinity symbol.
In some cases I find that Goepford neatly skewers a meaning with an image totally unlike that of Waite. For example, his 5 of Swords depicts farmers using swords in a vain attempt to fend off a swarm of locusts.
To me, this illustrates the concept of "futility" much more clearly than Pamela Colman Smith's image. Like the trumps, the minor cards are richly illustrated with symbolic details. Each minor also bears astrological symbols, to add meaning for readers who combine astrology and
Tarot. Some of the cards contain partial nudity (the Lovers, Judgment and the Devil for example) and occasional sexually explicit poses (Two of Cups and the Lovers). Nothing too overt in my opinion, but you might want to think
before using this deck to read for the unusually prudish, or for children. (The imagery on some of the "darker" cards, such as the Ten of Swords or the Tower, is also pretty expressive and might unsettle a child.)
The book accompanying Light and Shadow is as enjoyable as the deck. The book was written by Brian Williams, creator of the Renaissance Tarot and Pomo Tarot, based on interviews with Goepford. The same size as the cards, the book fits into a small box with the deck, making it easier to carry than decks that include full-sized books. The book is attractively produced, with
a much more professional look than many I have seen. It includes detailed interpretations, with a clear reproduction of each card, and (rather cleverly I think) one element of each card is clipped and used as an ornament on the page, in place of a drop cap.
The book also includes a brief biography of the artist, with examples of his non-Tarot work. The only weak part of the book is its treatment of interpretations: a half-dozen pages, most of which are taken up by yet another presentation of the Celtic Cross, finishing up with a recommendation that the reader try Mary Greer's Tarot for Yourself. This section reads like an afterthought and would have been better left out entirely in my opinion.
Light and Shadow Tarot is one of my favorite decks, a highlight of my collection, and is the deck I read with most often. I highly recommend Light and Shadow Tarot as an art deck for collectors, to readers who want a fresh perspective on the Golden Dawn tradition, and for anyone interested in block print art.
Review Copyright 1998 by Sarah Ovenall; used with permission
Sample Tarot Reading
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First the question: (Note: The form of the question is important. 1st person active is ideal. "How can I...?" encourges action.)The client, Paul, asks, “I need to take better care of myself, stop smoking, get fit. How can I go about this so I will be successful?”
The cards drawn: 5 wands, King pentacles, Empress, Prince wands, Hanged Man, 3 cups, 2 cups, Fool, 3 pentacles, Ace wands.
First impression: Lots of fire (wands), no swords, creativity, love, perspective, letting go, starting at the beginning.
Card 1: The situation/question/context – 5 wands: This card couldn’t be more correct, the challenge for Paul being to rebuild something, in this case his health and body. This card reminds Paul that preparedness, patience and resolve are what are needed.
Card 2: The obstacle/challenge - King pentacles: The pondering Father shows Paul that he cannot lean back and observe, cannot be complacent too soon…that he too will be the contented “Father”, with his house built soundly, but getting there will be challenging.
Card 3: Above/conscious thought – Empress: This card reminds him to check his intuition and in this case he believes his intuition is correct. His intuition is telling him that he needs to fix this situation rather than let it go by the wayside or worse sublimate it.
Card 4: Below/unconscious thought - Prince wands: The young man, brave, strong, full of resources and proud of them. The unconscious reminder is to make best use of all his resources and recognizing their, his, worth.
Card 5: Past/past experience - Hanged Man: This card encourages Paul to look to times when he has reinvented himself before, made changes in his way of being and living and how that worked or didn’t work. Doing so will provide clues re how to proceed with this similar challenge. This requires a willful shift in perspective.
Card 6: Near Future/what to look for - 3 cups: Recommends that his creative powers can take over or be an integral part of this process and let the love etc feed him and his plan. Love of self, love of others and others’ love of him. One wouldn’t normally think that “love” plays a big role in this type of challenge but when Paul looks to see how it might be it turns out that it does play a significant role and that it can be a source of energy and commitment. (Interesting that 5 & 6 are both about creation and perspective).
Card 7: Paul’s place/role in this situation - 2 cups: Would indicate that facing the challenge alone may not be the best way. Should enlist the support and comfort of a loved one (this furthers Card 6 message). Also, can be seen as embracing the parts of self that have been neglected or unloved, embrace them sand see the support there.
Card 8: Influences around Paul – Fool: Wow, the Fool. Watch out for pranksters and those that would throw a wrench in the process, but also, be with those (and the parts of self) that are uninhibited, willing to work the “magic”. And don’t take things too seriously. Paul needs to be flexible and non-judgmental toward himself as he moves through this change toward a healthier lifestyle.
Card 9: Wants/Fears - 3 pentacles: This is uncanny – this card directly indicates what it will take is to be healthy, fit, and well equipped. This is the want and thankfully he doesn’t have much fear about the process or outcomes. “It’s all good.”
Card 10: Outcome - Ace wands: Root of Fire! Wooohooo. Moving into a new phase of life, the fire part will come alive after a long spell in water. The beginning of a productive period.
OVERALL MEANING for Paul: The challenge is about quitting smoking and getting back to the pool and gym. Paul was making mental plans this a.m. while showering and on the drive to our session. Get the lead out is the message. He has the wherewithal, the know-how and resources, etc…so get on with it. Card 2 makes a little more sense now after exploring all ten…Paul could just sit back and enjoy the comforts he has now, but clearly this is telling him there is more, that he can be and do more. No red flags other than frivolity or willy-nilly thinking and action getting in the way – he needs a disciplined approach, which has worked in the past. He feels good about what lies ahead.
UPDATE: Paul hasn't smoked in 4 months and goes to the gym 2-3 times a week. He has also changed several eating habits and says that he hasn't felt this good for a long time. His productivity has increased and his is enjoying more success in general.
Light & Shadow Tarot: Interview
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Destiny Books, division of Inner Traditions in Rochester Vermont, released their newest (1996) Tarot deck and book set this month. The Light & Shadow Tarot is a collaborative effort from the late artist, Michael Goepferd; author, Brian Williams; and poet, Mark Hannan.
Michael Goepferd spent much of 1992-94 creating, carving, and printing the 78 linoleum cut block prints that make up this unique, black and white Tarot deck. Brian Williams has previously created and published The Renaissance Deck and the PoMo Tarot Deck. Mark Hannan, a student in the Integral Counseling Program at CIIS, has been writing poetry for the past 17 years and has published in several periodicals. His first chapbook, After Many Years Absent (Studio Press, 1993) also featured block prints by Michael Goepferd. Mark gave the Inner Eye some history of his involvement in the project:
"I had taken a break from writing after the chapbook came out and wanted to concentrate more on visual art. Several of my friends were painters and I began producing shows for their work, both in my home studio and at local galleries. Michael came to my studio during Open Studios. That was the first time I had included some of my own work; some assemblage sculptures I'd been making. These "doll wands" appealed to Michael's mystical side and a few weeks later he asked me to join him at Fire Thorn Studio on Valencia Street here in the City. That was such an exciting time for us. Watching the progress of the deck, and how Michael opened himself up to the Tarot, was inspiring. I learned so much from him during that time, about art, creativity, pain, life and death. This deck is very special to me. I miss him.
The Incantations that are included in The Light & Shadow Tarot came out of my work with the Tarot over the previous four or five years. I found that I could never quite remember all the attributed meanings to each of the cards, and, I wanted to begin using them as meditative objects. Poetry was a natural choice; the line, the rhythm, the brevity. I am so grateful to Angeles Arrien for her Tarot Handbook (Arcus, 1987). That, along with the work of Aleister Crowley, Paul Foster Case, the Cicero's, and Dion Fortune, firmly grounded me in the historical traditions. At the time, I had been working closely with Starhawk and the Reclaiming Collective and so my magical side was quite "up" for me. I began using the Incantations as magickal mnemonics for the Tarot. I was so thrilled when Michael invited me to contribute to this publication. Recently, I have developed a method of using these poems directly in readings and with dreams and dreaming. It's quite exciting. I’ve developed a new Tarot spread called the Pentacle Spread and this deck works really well with it. There's probably another book in all that."
Brian Williams writes in the introduction: "The Light & Shadow Tarot is both a traditional Tarot deck, respecting the structure and symbolism of an ancient tradition, and an entirely fresh and original creation. It embodies the contrast between light and dark, heavy and light, feminine and masculine, expressed in a lively, linear idiom of black-and-white graphics. This contrast, though, does not mean a Manichean duality of good battling evil, order against chaos, darkness striving to drive out the light. Instead, Light and Shadow celebrates the balance and synthesis of contrasting forces. It honors the significance and interplay of both extremes. Think of the classic symbols of yin and yang, each teardrop shape begins along side the fullness of its opposite, and then, as it reaches spherical perfection, the seed of its opposite is born in its heart.
Michael discovered the Tarot first while traveling through Goa, where he met people who were deeply involved with the cards and other esoterica. Years later in San Francisco, during conversations with writer Mark Hannan and others, he began to think about interpreting certain Tarot images as individual artworks: the Endless Dance of Death, the Sun, the Magician. Light and Shadow Tarot began gradually, but Michael soon felt as if he were sliding into a kind of happy quicksand. The process started with the images of the Major Arcana, and each new card led to the next, though they weren't created in numerical order. When the time came for Michael to carve the Queens, the process had become so intense that the archetypes appeared to him in dreams to announce how they should be portrayed."
The Inner Eye, Vol.XXXIII, Number 10; Nov. 11th, 1996
General “guidelines” for a Tarot Spread…
Three of Pentacles
Image by Micheal Goepferd, Light & Shadow Tarot
The special power of a tarot reading comes from the interaction between the person and their thinking as generated in their mind by the images. It is a projective tool. There is also power in the communication between the guide and the reader as they co-research the story as it enfolds. The cards and a reading of the spread creates an opportunity to more closely observe and evaluate the reader’s story in an externalized format.
Forming the question properly is key to a successful reading. While “general readings” are possible, I find them to be less focused and often more about “tell me my future” than an actual desire to look closely at an issue with a goal of making things better or improved.
“How do I form a good question?” Explore: Why are you engaging in a reading today? What do you hope to gain by doing the reading? What do you expect the reading to reveal or do for you? These are important questions to ask yourself before beginning. The meta purpose is to gain insight into your concern and how you might approach it with an intention of making your life more fulfilling and harmonious. To do this effectively a well-formed question is essential.
Let’s look at an example.
Paolo says he is lonely and wants to make friends but can’t seem to meet people. He arrived from Argentina in the US a few months ago and the adjustment has been somewhat difficult. He is confused as to whether he is doing something “wrong” or if Americans are just not friendly. He notes that the way Americans interact with each other is very different from the way he grew up in South America. He asks “What’s wrong with me? I am very friendly and outgoing and have never had trouble making friends.”
First, and foremost, keep in mind - the person is not the problem, the problem is the problem, - so “what’s wrong with me” needs to be reframed. A good question might be “How can I make friends here in a new place very different from my home country?”
Keep it simple.
How to “interpret” the cards
The key is to think of it this way – the attributions of the card denote what part of the person or problem that should be considered. For example if the second card, the challenge or obstacle card is the Hanged Man then the challenge could be interpreted to be an upending of his ego, a change in how he sees himself and his place in community, his beliefs about himself and society. He is in a new culture very different from his own and “when in Rome” which would require seeing with different eyes – seeing things from a different angle.
Continue through each card position, relating the card to the position in which it falls, and then those thoughts in relation to the issue being explored. If the 8 of Pentacles lands in the “past” position you would consider how prudence impacted your life in the past related to your current issue or one similar. Did prudence work for you or work against you?
By the end of the reading you will have a better sense of where you stand, intellectually, emotionally, and psychically regarding your issue or concern.
© Mark Hannan.
Awareness - finding YOUR path
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Even as scientists all over the world are making concerted efforts to understand the human mind and the human consciousness, a plethora of provocative questions still remain unanswered. As someone said, if we could satisfactorily explain the workings of our minds, our brains would be so simple and underdeveloped that we wouldn't be able to understand anything! This is a definite limitation of the conventional sciences. And here's where people take recourse to spirituality, imagination and the occult.
Consciousness is a non-physical entity, which is essentially different from the four basic entities of space, time, energy and matter of the conventional science. Consciousness does not have any physical attribute or property or action, but is endowed with autonomous will power of creation, retention and annihilation of the knowledge of an individual or that of the universe. Consciousness manifests itself in the form of knowledge. Self-knowledge comes from awareness. Awareness is a learned skill – yoga and meditation are excellent methods to cultivate awareness.
How aware are you to YOUR path, YOUR desired or preferred story, way of being?
Throughout your life, there is a voice only you can hear. A voice which mythologists label "the call." A call to the value of your own life. The choice of risk and individual bliss over the known and secure. You may choose not to hear your spirit. You may prefer to build a life within the compound, to avoid risk. It is possible to find happiness within a familiar box, a life of comfort and control. Or, you may chose to be open to new experiences, to leave the limits of your conditioning, to hear the call. Then you must act. If you never hear it perhaps nothing is lost. If you hear it and ignore it, your life is lost.
Do you really want change? (see previous blog entry below re change)
When great changes take place in our lives it is a fine opportunity to exercise our own flexibility. Change happens for either good or bad; sometimes at our command, sometimes in spite of it. When we bring about a change ourselves, and it all goes according to plan, we’re pretty good at going with the flow of things, anticipating the expected results, and enjoying the benefits that change brings. When change unexpectedly happens to us, however, the results might take some adjusting to. If sudden, unexpected changes are beneficial then we count ourselves as lucky, or we feel tremendous relief, or we feel like we just won first prize. If the change is a downturn in our lot, or a loss of some sort, particularly when death comes knocking, then we find ourselves reeling in the face of the unknown. Human beings, however, are surprisingly resilient, and despite the fact that we may not be able to see ourselves returning to a life of normality after such changes of enormity, we somehow always do. One of the challenges that presents itself to us throughout our lives is the challenge of knowing when to actively bring about change.
The fundamental need for change in our lives often creeps up slowly, the cracks in our façade, our containers, our confidence steadily growing over time, sometimes even years, until eventually, if nothing is done, they splinter into bits. It’s then that we suddenly find ourselves going into a level of damage control we may have otherwise avoided, had we brought about change before those cracks opened up wide. Here lies the value of not only recognition, but the ability to objectively observe ourselves and our interaction the wider framework of our day to day relationship with the outside world. For it is true, that when circumstances reach crisis point, and we are forced to make changes in our lives we are usually not making our best decisions. We are often making choices and decisions in a knee-jerk reaction. We may find we have allowed a negative situation to exist for so long that we are no longer sure of what we can do to relieve it, or we have unwittingly limited our choices by default. Life, and the twists and turns it takes, is surely made infinitely more memorable, effective and interesting by the ability to be honest to ourselves about where we stand, and what we need to keep us creative and happy. So this year, may it be the year that you step back, look closely at your life, and identify your own individual bliss: then take a deep breath, hold courage in your hands, and firm resolve in your heart, and step into the change that you know will bring you closer to your truth.
from http://hinduism.about.com/library/weekly/aa072101a.htm
Even as scientists all over the world are making concerted efforts to understand the human mind and the human consciousness, a plethora of provocative questions still remain unanswered. As someone said, if we could satisfactorily explain the workings of our minds, our brains would be so simple and underdeveloped that we wouldn't be able to understand anything! This is a definite limitation of the conventional sciences. And here's where people take recourse to spirituality, imagination and the occult.Consciousness is a non-physical entity, which is essentially different from the four basic entities of space, time, energy and matter of the conventional science. Consciousness does not have any physical attribute or property or action, but is endowed with autonomous will power of creation, retention and annihilation of the knowledge of an individual or that of the universe. Consciousness manifests itself in the form of knowledge. Self-knowledge comes from awareness. Awareness is a learned skill – yoga and meditation are excellent methods to cultivate awareness.
How aware are you to YOUR path, YOUR desired or preferred story, way of being?
Throughout your life, there is a voice only you can hear. A voice which mythologists label "the call." A call to the value of your own life. The choice of risk and individual bliss over the known and secure. You may choose not to hear your spirit. You may prefer to build a life within the compound, to avoid risk. It is possible to find happiness within a familiar box, a life of comfort and control. Or, you may chose to be open to new experiences, to leave the limits of your conditioning, to hear the call. Then you must act. If you never hear it perhaps nothing is lost. If you hear it and ignore it, your life is lost.
Do you really want change? (see previous blog entry below re change)
When great changes take place in our lives it is a fine opportunity to exercise our own flexibility. Change happens for either good or bad; sometimes at our command, sometimes in spite of it. When we bring about a change ourselves, and it all goes according to plan, we’re pretty good at going with the flow of things, anticipating the expected results, and enjoying the benefits that change brings. When change unexpectedly happens to us, however, the results might take some adjusting to. If sudden, unexpected changes are beneficial then we count ourselves as lucky, or we feel tremendous relief, or we feel like we just won first prize. If the change is a downturn in our lot, or a loss of some sort, particularly when death comes knocking, then we find ourselves reeling in the face of the unknown. Human beings, however, are surprisingly resilient, and despite the fact that we may not be able to see ourselves returning to a life of normality after such changes of enormity, we somehow always do. One of the challenges that presents itself to us throughout our lives is the challenge of knowing when to actively bring about change.
The fundamental need for change in our lives often creeps up slowly, the cracks in our façade, our containers, our confidence steadily growing over time, sometimes even years, until eventually, if nothing is done, they splinter into bits. It’s then that we suddenly find ourselves going into a level of damage control we may have otherwise avoided, had we brought about change before those cracks opened up wide. Here lies the value of not only recognition, but the ability to objectively observe ourselves and our interaction the wider framework of our day to day relationship with the outside world. For it is true, that when circumstances reach crisis point, and we are forced to make changes in our lives we are usually not making our best decisions. We are often making choices and decisions in a knee-jerk reaction. We may find we have allowed a negative situation to exist for so long that we are no longer sure of what we can do to relieve it, or we have unwittingly limited our choices by default. Life, and the twists and turns it takes, is surely made infinitely more memorable, effective and interesting by the ability to be honest to ourselves about where we stand, and what we need to keep us creative and happy. So this year, may it be the year that you step back, look closely at your life, and identify your own individual bliss: then take a deep breath, hold courage in your hands, and firm resolve in your heart, and step into the change that you know will bring you closer to your truth.
from http://hinduism.about.com/library/weekly/aa072101a.htm
Guilt & Shame
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“If guilt is about behavior that has harmed others, shame is about not being good enough.”
So often guilt and shame are confused, misunderstood, and therefore minimized, repressed, or swept aside completely. The best writing on the topic appeared in the Atlantic Monthly February 1992 in a lengthy article simply titled Shame, by Robert Karen. Much of this writing is a paraphrase of that article interspersed with my own process of healing and re-writing my life story – past and present.
When I read this article my life changed, forever. I was able to begin a process of healing. The Catholic church, through its thorough and constant indoctrination, convinced me that I should be ashamed and feel guilty – not just for what I may have done, but for who I am. The concept of original sin is the starting point – we are born with a blotch on our soul – we come into this world tainted already – we are guilty of sin before we can open our eyes and clearly see our caretakers.
The roots of shame and guilt are deep in our society. And, it isn’t just the Catholics that have perpetuated and contributed to the malignancy of these two different though related states of being and feeling.
First though, let’s get some definitions in place:
Guilt: Guilt is the anxious self-reproach you experience after you sleep with a friend’s spouse, cheat your brother out of his inheritance, or stand by as a colleague is fired for your error. In the grip of severe guilt, you feel tormented by the idea of a debt that must be repaid, and until atonement of some kind is made, life itself may seem suspended.
Shame: Shame is often, of course, triggered by something you have done, but in shame, the way that behavior reflects on you is what counts. Shameful behavior is thus a victimless crime: and shame itself is less clearly about morality than about conformity, acceptability, or character. To be ashamed is to expect rejection, not so much because of what one has done as because of what one is.
Reading this for the first time brought me to tears and as I write it now I can feel them welling up again. I learned that I was living a life based almost entirely on shame – economic, social, personal, political, psychic – it was that pervasive in my home, at school, in church, in advertising and on TV. All of this made it’s way to the streets as well. Being the shamed one made me a target for taunting and abuse – I became a further victim. It was a vicious cycle that I could not seem to break or break away from. The saddest, most hurtful and painful aspect of this is that looking back I see that I had nothing, no-thing, to do with how I was perceived or perceived myself as a bad person. I had been convinced by all that was around me, the blatant and the subtle signals, that I was a person who should be ashamed of existing.
“Shame is about the ‘self’. We say, I am ashamed of myself. I am guilty of something. Guilt is out there in the real world, something you did or something you thought that you shouldn’t have thought. Shame is only about the self.
For guilt one can find a solution. One needs to make amends. What does shame require? It requires that you be a better person, and not be ugly, and not be stupid, not be poor, not be gay or lesbian, not be non-white, and not have failed. The only thing that suits it at this moment is for you to be nonexistent. That’s what people frequently say. I could crawl into a hole, I could sink into the floor, I could die.”
What are you feeling as you read this? Your feelings will clue you into the level of shame you may have. Or, help you recognize the shame others carry.
Professionals, for the most part, have avoided discussing shame. “People are ashamed of being ashamed. So we don’t talk about it, we don’t express it, and we don’t acknowledge it. We say we’re uncomfortable, or ‘It was an awkward moment’ – these are the code words for shame.
Shame and anger have a deep affinity. Men, for instance, may be more ashamed of shame than women, especially given the performance pressures that are typically placed on them and the expectation that they will rise above fear, pain, and self-doubt. They therefore may be more invested in suppressing it. And, we know what is suppressed must be expressed in another way. Anger tends to be the way. This leads to abuse of all kinds, which inurn leads to more shame – unconscious shame for the man and now conscious shame for the victim of the abuse. Sexual and physical abuse are guaranteed by their nature to produce excessive shame.
“As painful as shame is, it does seem to be the guardian of many of the secret, unexplored aspects of our beings. Repressed shame must be experienced if we are to come to terms with the good, the bad, and the unique of what we are.”
How we express the shame we carry is as unique as we are individuals. Shame and secrets are the closest of siblings – the one rarely strays from the other. Exposing the secrets of our lives (as I have said previously in this blog) seems to me the easiest way. To articulate those things that we think should be left unsaid is a start. First in writing seems safest. Verbalizing will take time and courage.
If you make a list of secrets you have about yourself and your family you will start to see the shadows of shame. You may have to coax shame out of those shadows and into the light to see them it more clearly. Some examples might be:
“I come from a very poor family and sometimes didn’t have enough food to eat. Today, I rarely ever talk about my growing up and if anyone asks I am vague about it and can usually re route the conversation."
“My parents didn’t have much education, weren’t too sophisticated so I didn’t bring friends over too often, especially friends whose parents I knew were professionals.”
“My sister is a lesbian. We don’t tell anyone about it. In fact we never have actually acknowledged the fact or even said the word in relation to her during any family conversation. We usually make a spinster joke or say she is more concerned about her career.”
“I never wear short sleeves because people would see the scars on my arms from when I tried to kill myself. People don’t need to know and anyway it is none of their business.”
There are so many other secrets we keep about ourselves and our families. These are merely a few examples. Once you have made a list, you could rank them as to the importance of keeping the secret – 1 being the most closely held and 10 being the least closely held secret. Then, think about how you talk about #10 if at all. Think about what you think would happen if someone were to find out. Is it a rationale possibility? Does it matter, really, what they think?
Evaluate each secret as to the value of keeping the secret, the amount of shame attached to that secret and, most of all, the level of angst, depression, inaction, pain, etc keeping the secret and the shame has for you. Is it worth it compared to your happiness and well being? Who benefits by keeping the secret and the shame? And, what exactly are the benefits – specifically?”
These are some questions you can ask. Also, using the Tarot as a way to look at a secret is a creative way to work with the inherent shame in your secrets. Let the form of the spread and the concept of the cards help you evaluate the value and validity of the secret and it’s impact on you.
When we release the secrets and the shame we make the energy used to suppress available to garner happiness and contentment. Freedom is all about freeing up the natural and abundant energy available in the universe. Freedom allows us to float in the energy fields unencumbered. The bounty is ours and we are the bounty if we allow the flow.
PEACE.
The Ordinary Life and the True Soul
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The ordinary life is a round of various desires and greeds. As long as one is preoccupied with them, there can be no lasting progress. A way out of the round must be discovered. Take, as an instance, that commonest preoccupation of ordinary life - the constant thinking by people of what they will eat and when they will eat and whether they are eating enough. To conquer the greed for food an equanimity in the being must be developed such that you are perfectly indifferent towards food. If food is given you, you eat it; if not, it does not worry you in the least; above all, you do not keep thinking about food.
And the thinking must not be negative, either. To be absorbed in devising methods and means of abstinence as the sannyasis do is to be almost as preoccupied with food as to be absorbed in dreaming of it greedily. Have an attitude of indifference towards it: that is the main thing. Get the idea of food out of your consciousness, do not attach the slightest importance to it. This will be very easy to do once you get into contact with your psychic being, the true soul deep within you. Then you will feel immediately how very unimportant these things are and that the sole thing that matters is the Divine.
To dwell in the psychic is to be lifted above all greed. You will have no hankering, no worry, no feverish desire. And you will feel also that whatever happens, happens for the best. Do not misunderstand me to imply that you must always think that everything is for the best. Everything is not for the best so long as you are in the ordinary consciousness. You may be misled into utterly wrong channels when you are not in the right state of consciousness. But once you are poised in the psychic and have made your self-offering to the Divine, all that happens will happen for the best, for everything, however disguised, will be a definite divine response to you. Indeed the very act of genuine self-giving is its own immediate reward - it brings with it such happiness, such confidence, such security as nothing else can give. But till the self-giving is firmly psychic there will be disturbance, the interval of dark moments between bright ones. It is only the psychic that keeps on progressing in an unbroken line, its movement a continuous ascension. All other movements are broken and discontinuous. And it is not till the psychic is felt as yourself that you can be an individual even; for it is the true self in you. Before the true self is known you are a public place, not a being.
There are so many clashing forces working in you; hence, if you wish to make real progress, know your own being which is in constant union with the Divine. Then alone will transformation be possible. All the other parts of your nature are ignorant: the mind, for instance, often commits the mistake of thinking that every brilliant idea is also a luminous idea. It can with equal vigour trump up arguments for and against God: it has no infallible sense of the truth. The vital is generally impresses by any show of power and is willing to see in it the Godlike. It is only the psychic which has a just discrimination: it is directly aware of the supreme Presence, it infallibly distinguishes between the divine and the undivine. If you have even for a moment contacted it, you will carry with you a conviction about the Divine which nothing will shake.
How, you ask me, are we able to know our true being ? Ask for it, aspire after it, want it as you want nothing else. Most of you here are influenced by it, but it should be more than an influence, you should be able to feel identified with it. All urge for perfection comes from it, but you are unaware of the source, you are not collaborating with it knowingly, you are not in identification with its light. Do not think I refer to the emotional part of you when I speak of the psychic. Emotion belongs to the higher vital, not to the pure psychic. The psychic is a steady flame that burns in you, soaring towards the Divine and carrying with it a sense of strength which breaks down all oppositions. When you are identified with it you have the feeling of the divine truth - then you cannot help feeling also that the whole world is ignorantly walking on its head with its feet in the air!
You must learn to unite what you call your individual self with your true psychic individuality. Your present individuality is a very mixed thing, a series of changes which yet preserves a certain continuity, a certain sameness or identity of vibration in the midst of all flux. It is almost like a river which is never the same and yet has a certain definiteness and persistence of its own.Your normal self is merely a shadow of your true individuality which you will realise only when this normal individual which is differently poised at different times, now in the mental, then in the vital, at other times in the physical, gets into contact with the psychic and feels it as its real being. Then you will be one, nothing will shake or disturb you, you will make steady and lasting progress and be above such petty things as greed for food.
The Mother - Conversations 1930-31
And the thinking must not be negative, either. To be absorbed in devising methods and means of abstinence as the sannyasis do is to be almost as preoccupied with food as to be absorbed in dreaming of it greedily. Have an attitude of indifference towards it: that is the main thing. Get the idea of food out of your consciousness, do not attach the slightest importance to it. This will be very easy to do once you get into contact with your psychic being, the true soul deep within you. Then you will feel immediately how very unimportant these things are and that the sole thing that matters is the Divine.
To dwell in the psychic is to be lifted above all greed. You will have no hankering, no worry, no feverish desire. And you will feel also that whatever happens, happens for the best. Do not misunderstand me to imply that you must always think that everything is for the best. Everything is not for the best so long as you are in the ordinary consciousness. You may be misled into utterly wrong channels when you are not in the right state of consciousness. But once you are poised in the psychic and have made your self-offering to the Divine, all that happens will happen for the best, for everything, however disguised, will be a definite divine response to you. Indeed the very act of genuine self-giving is its own immediate reward - it brings with it such happiness, such confidence, such security as nothing else can give. But till the self-giving is firmly psychic there will be disturbance, the interval of dark moments between bright ones. It is only the psychic that keeps on progressing in an unbroken line, its movement a continuous ascension. All other movements are broken and discontinuous. And it is not till the psychic is felt as yourself that you can be an individual even; for it is the true self in you. Before the true self is known you are a public place, not a being.
There are so many clashing forces working in you; hence, if you wish to make real progress, know your own being which is in constant union with the Divine. Then alone will transformation be possible. All the other parts of your nature are ignorant: the mind, for instance, often commits the mistake of thinking that every brilliant idea is also a luminous idea. It can with equal vigour trump up arguments for and against God: it has no infallible sense of the truth. The vital is generally impresses by any show of power and is willing to see in it the Godlike. It is only the psychic which has a just discrimination: it is directly aware of the supreme Presence, it infallibly distinguishes between the divine and the undivine. If you have even for a moment contacted it, you will carry with you a conviction about the Divine which nothing will shake.
How, you ask me, are we able to know our true being ? Ask for it, aspire after it, want it as you want nothing else. Most of you here are influenced by it, but it should be more than an influence, you should be able to feel identified with it. All urge for perfection comes from it, but you are unaware of the source, you are not collaborating with it knowingly, you are not in identification with its light. Do not think I refer to the emotional part of you when I speak of the psychic. Emotion belongs to the higher vital, not to the pure psychic. The psychic is a steady flame that burns in you, soaring towards the Divine and carrying with it a sense of strength which breaks down all oppositions. When you are identified with it you have the feeling of the divine truth - then you cannot help feeling also that the whole world is ignorantly walking on its head with its feet in the air!
You must learn to unite what you call your individual self with your true psychic individuality. Your present individuality is a very mixed thing, a series of changes which yet preserves a certain continuity, a certain sameness or identity of vibration in the midst of all flux. It is almost like a river which is never the same and yet has a certain definiteness and persistence of its own.Your normal self is merely a shadow of your true individuality which you will realise only when this normal individual which is differently poised at different times, now in the mental, then in the vital, at other times in the physical, gets into contact with the psychic and feels it as its real being. Then you will be one, nothing will shake or disturb you, you will make steady and lasting progress and be above such petty things as greed for food.
The Mother - Conversations 1930-31
Tap the Creativity Keg
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Creativity is something that you can access everyday. We all have creative potential, however it is necessary to tap into that potential in order to benefit from it.
Creativity occurs when you make it happen.
Pick one creative thing that you love to do, and start doing it again this week. It does not matter why you stopped. It only matters that you begin again.
You only have one life to live, so it might as well be a life you love!
Roadblocks, whether real or imagined, are tough because over time they become difficult to overcome. What once was a struggle, after a while, becomes something impossible to conquer. Just because an issue seems like it has no immediate answer, does not mean there is none at all. Keep looking. Keep striving. You never know when your solution will appear.
We live in a world where being perfect is an accepted goal, and anything less does not measure up. We try to be perfect at our jobs, at home, and at finding ourselves.
Creativity occurs when you make it happen.
Pick one creative thing that you love to do, and start doing it again this week. It does not matter why you stopped. It only matters that you begin again.
You only have one life to live, so it might as well be a life you love!
Roadblocks, whether real or imagined, are tough because over time they become difficult to overcome. What once was a struggle, after a while, becomes something impossible to conquer. Just because an issue seems like it has no immediate answer, does not mean there is none at all. Keep looking. Keep striving. You never know when your solution will appear.
We live in a world where being perfect is an accepted goal, and anything less does not measure up. We try to be perfect at our jobs, at home, and at finding ourselves.
.
But being perfect has a downside; it's extremely draining. We know that we shouldn't care if we are perfect or not, but the little voice inside tells us that being perfect is the only way. We know that perfect is not realistic, but we also can't seem to find another way.
Stop trying to be perfect. Striving for perfection will consume your energy and waste your time. You will be less frustrated and more effective if you are realistic with yourself and other people. Replace your efforts to be perfect with something positive. First, identify one project that is being stalled by your quest for perfection. Then, set a realistic plan to complete the project, and go for it!
But being perfect has a downside; it's extremely draining. We know that we shouldn't care if we are perfect or not, but the little voice inside tells us that being perfect is the only way. We know that perfect is not realistic, but we also can't seem to find another way.
Stop trying to be perfect. Striving for perfection will consume your energy and waste your time. You will be less frustrated and more effective if you are realistic with yourself and other people. Replace your efforts to be perfect with something positive. First, identify one project that is being stalled by your quest for perfection. Then, set a realistic plan to complete the project, and go for it!
from Surpass Your Dreams Brian Volkman (Editor) brianonline@worldnet.att.net Copyright (c) 2003. All rights reserved.
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