by Mike DeCapite
Squatting like an animal on a concrete curb feeding on a quesadilla below the yellow windows on blue dusk of Grandma’s Southside in the San Francisco Mission, I feel the same wonder at her power to inform the night as I did as a kid lying awake in her bed across the street from the Greek carnival as it raced and roared like a remembered dream under the weight of the atmosphere and a gentle incessant breath of summer floated the sheer curtain of her window. I walked below the green of black leaves in the new dark along a chain link fence with my shadow leaping from streetlight to streetlight to the sounds of glass breaking and the perennial siren that’s defined this night from West Side Story to the Southside of Cleveland to the south side of Brooklyn to here, remembering a deep purple 9 PM of Cleveland summer in which I crossed the Abbey Bridge in the motionless front-porch dark and passed the silent houses of West 11th, beneath silhouetted unrustling sycamore leaves, on streets where my father played as a kid with friends and cousins after dark in this same night fifty years before, and I climbed the close hot staircase to the hot kitchen of an old house where I was shacked up at age nineteen and stood ironing a shirt at an ironing board with Louie Armstrong playing on a radio in the other room, the first I knew that I was a part of an older night—a window in a window—that this kitchen with me in it was part of an old ongoing night, always fresh and always soiled, early, late, and I’m grateful for the moments I’m given to take part in it, walking home thirty pounds heavier with shirt untucked on a warm San Francisco night.
Michael DeCapite was born in Cleveland in 1962. Through The Windshield was written in Cleveland, London, and New York 1985-1990 and subsequently revised. His short story Sitting Pretty is now available from CUZ Editions. DeCapite is currently completing a second novel RUINED FOR LIFE! and is regular contributor to ANGLE Magazine.
Shape Over
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Your diet and exercise plans have taken a detour--and so has your self-esteem. One of the most sure fire ways to turn things around in your life is to focus on your physical being. You needn’t dive right into the mental and/or emotion side of the change process just yet if you are not ready. When your body is healthy and working right your mind will begin to be agile and alert, stronger to deal with some of the challenges on the emotional side. The physical activity will start to make you feel better about yourself and your capacity to grow and heal. Focus on your health, put all your energy, no matter how small the amount – whatever you have, focus it on your body. You will see and feel results almost immediately and that will.
Being grounded in your body is an important first step to healing the whole of you. Your body is how you are tangibly connected to the world, to others, and in many ways to yourSelf. When we are un-grounded we feel disconnected, “not quite myself.” Even if you have suffered physical trauma a reawakening to your corporeal being is first step to regaining control and personal power.
I have struggled with body image all my life and have rarely felt powerful or competent in my physical being. By focusing on getting into shape helped me reclaim the power(s) that were taken away from me by others, societal impositions, and cultural conventions. Occasionally, the residule effects that will always be with me rise to the surface – call out for attention. Too often the amount of attention demanded depletes energy for anything but psychic survival – all elese seems to fall by the wayside. Reconnecting with my body, grounding myself in the physicality of being is a sure way of getting control of those internal “demons” the wish to reassert themselves in my life.
The Challenge
To get your fitness routine back on track. Perhaps it was a tough stretch at work or a few weeks of back-to-back social plans that derailed your diet and exercise regimen. Perhaps depression, discouragement, or another emotional setback. No matter what the reason, falling off the fitness wagon is no fun--it can eat away at your confidence, which makes finding your motivation again a real struggle.
The Solutions
Retrace your steps. Start by examining the patterns and techniques that were effective for you--they will work again. For example, if training for your local 5k run kept your motivation afire, find another run event and register for it this week. Set whatever types of goals for yourself that you did then.
Create a road map. Just as you need a good map to find your way back to your planned route when you're lost, you need one for diet and exercise. The key is to carry over each week's goals as you add new ones. For instance, a map for healthier eating might include drinking eight glasses of water every day for one week, then adding an extra half-serving of fruits and vegetables daily for the next week, and so on.
Take action now. Never is the maxim "motivation follows action" more true than when it comes to exercise. One energizing workout can wipe away doubt and fatigue and give rise to positive thinking and forward motion, Kleiner says. Remind yourself of this whenever you're tempted to forgo the gym.
Ease back in. Reestablishing your momentum should happen gradually. Begin with 50 percent of the amount you were exercising before your break, then increase it by 5-15 percent each week. While this may feel like a painfully slow return, a gradual ramping-up will take the sting out of beginning again and keep you rolling along.
The Payoff
A plan makes returning to your usual healthy eating and regular workouts a lot easier. Even better, a renewed commitment to taking care of yourself will boost your self-confidence and improve your outlook, both of which will help you stick with your diet and exercise program going forward.
1-minute shapeovers:
Pinpoint what inspired you to get fit in the first place, and the things that knocked you off course this time. That way, you can prevent them from happening again.
Write down three things you can do this week that will help revive your workout program. Then, add them to your calendar and do them.
Call a friend, explain that you want to resume working out regularly and eating right, and invite her over for a short run or a healthful meal. Ask her to call you the next time she wants to go to the gym or cook together.
Thanks to Eric Harr, author of Triathlon Training in Four Hours a Week.
Being grounded in your body is an important first step to healing the whole of you. Your body is how you are tangibly connected to the world, to others, and in many ways to yourSelf. When we are un-grounded we feel disconnected, “not quite myself.” Even if you have suffered physical trauma a reawakening to your corporeal being is first step to regaining control and personal power.
I have struggled with body image all my life and have rarely felt powerful or competent in my physical being. By focusing on getting into shape helped me reclaim the power(s) that were taken away from me by others, societal impositions, and cultural conventions. Occasionally, the residule effects that will always be with me rise to the surface – call out for attention. Too often the amount of attention demanded depletes energy for anything but psychic survival – all elese seems to fall by the wayside. Reconnecting with my body, grounding myself in the physicality of being is a sure way of getting control of those internal “demons” the wish to reassert themselves in my life.
The Challenge
To get your fitness routine back on track. Perhaps it was a tough stretch at work or a few weeks of back-to-back social plans that derailed your diet and exercise regimen. Perhaps depression, discouragement, or another emotional setback. No matter what the reason, falling off the fitness wagon is no fun--it can eat away at your confidence, which makes finding your motivation again a real struggle.
The Solutions
Retrace your steps. Start by examining the patterns and techniques that were effective for you--they will work again. For example, if training for your local 5k run kept your motivation afire, find another run event and register for it this week. Set whatever types of goals for yourself that you did then.
Create a road map. Just as you need a good map to find your way back to your planned route when you're lost, you need one for diet and exercise. The key is to carry over each week's goals as you add new ones. For instance, a map for healthier eating might include drinking eight glasses of water every day for one week, then adding an extra half-serving of fruits and vegetables daily for the next week, and so on.
Take action now. Never is the maxim "motivation follows action" more true than when it comes to exercise. One energizing workout can wipe away doubt and fatigue and give rise to positive thinking and forward motion, Kleiner says. Remind yourself of this whenever you're tempted to forgo the gym.
Ease back in. Reestablishing your momentum should happen gradually. Begin with 50 percent of the amount you were exercising before your break, then increase it by 5-15 percent each week. While this may feel like a painfully slow return, a gradual ramping-up will take the sting out of beginning again and keep you rolling along.
The Payoff
A plan makes returning to your usual healthy eating and regular workouts a lot easier. Even better, a renewed commitment to taking care of yourself will boost your self-confidence and improve your outlook, both of which will help you stick with your diet and exercise program going forward.
1-minute shapeovers:
Pinpoint what inspired you to get fit in the first place, and the things that knocked you off course this time. That way, you can prevent them from happening again.
Write down three things you can do this week that will help revive your workout program. Then, add them to your calendar and do them.
Call a friend, explain that you want to resume working out regularly and eating right, and invite her over for a short run or a healthful meal. Ask her to call you the next time she wants to go to the gym or cook together.
Thanks to Eric Harr, author of Triathlon Training in Four Hours a Week.
A Victim No More: Living a Life Free of Judgment
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an interview
You're a person who has endured much pain in your life. Do you have a sense that at some point when you were young that you accepted the role of victimhood?
Lori Rekowski: Absolutely. It was as if I had a contract to be born to be a victim and to carry that energy, not only for my own healing process, but to get the message out to others. I really feel that it was part of my (life) contract.
Would you say each person who is a victim chooses on some level to do that?
Rekowski: Yes, they do and some people resist that message. They say, "Oh, I would never have chosen this" or "I would never have chosen to be born with this disability or that disability." But, as you start to awaken, there is more than enough material out there that speaks the truth, that we are co-creators of our reality and we choose our life path and we choose the lessons that we are to learn -- therefore, we place these issues into our life path.
How do you define the word "victim?"
Rekowski: Giving your power away to someone or something else. Having that "poor me" attitude and we all have at one point or another, at different levels. Lving a life free of judgment is very important to releasing victim consciousness.
When is a person no longer a victim?
Rekowski: When you start owning your Divinity and living it daily. When you realize that you have a choice at any point in time to react to any situation that comes your way. You can choose an attitude of gratitude at any point in time. I think the key to releasing victim consciousness on our planet is to live free of judgment -- judging yourself and judging others. People do not accept their responsibility and they judge themselves and others. The components to being a victim no more are releasing judgment, forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and keeping that attitude of gratitude.
You compare a victim becoming an empowered individual to humanity's collective shift from darkness to the light. Speak about that a little bit.
Rekowski: That thread of truth runs through every single thing that we seek. If you're out there seeking to awaken and to find peace, joy and happiness, that truism is right there and we have to own that. We have lightness and darkness. It's the opposites that help us to evolve. Be grateful for that and do not judge it.
It's such an important component for us to create a new habit of not judging ourselves and others.How do we do that? Judging things is such an ingrained habit. The media reinforces that every single day.
Rekowski: Yes it does -- and you know what I've done? I've detached myself from it. I purposely took time off of watching it. I don't watch the news any more. If there is a big event that occurs on our planet or in America, I hear about it. I hear about it through friends and family. They ask, "Oh, did you hear about this?" One exercise is to flip the switch and I start thinking about something positive. The key is to start practicing it. It's not to just know it in your head, it's to know it in your heart. That is the key. Live it through your heart and not in your head. When you are coming from love and from your heart center, it is impossible to judge yourself and othersIt starts with being willing. It can be that simple at the beginning of each and every day. It can be, "I am willing to release judgment." Deepak Chopra wrote that every day he would get up and say, "Help me. My intention today is to stay out of judgment of myself and others." Write that on a piece of paper and stick it up in the mirror.
Thanks to Lori Rekowski, author of A Victim No More: Living a Life Free of Judgment
an interview
You're a person who has endured much pain in your life. Do you have a sense that at some point when you were young that you accepted the role of victimhood?
Lori Rekowski: Absolutely. It was as if I had a contract to be born to be a victim and to carry that energy, not only for my own healing process, but to get the message out to others. I really feel that it was part of my (life) contract.
Would you say each person who is a victim chooses on some level to do that?
Rekowski: Yes, they do and some people resist that message. They say, "Oh, I would never have chosen this" or "I would never have chosen to be born with this disability or that disability." But, as you start to awaken, there is more than enough material out there that speaks the truth, that we are co-creators of our reality and we choose our life path and we choose the lessons that we are to learn -- therefore, we place these issues into our life path.
How do you define the word "victim?"
Rekowski: Giving your power away to someone or something else. Having that "poor me" attitude and we all have at one point or another, at different levels. Lving a life free of judgment is very important to releasing victim consciousness.
When is a person no longer a victim?
Rekowski: When you start owning your Divinity and living it daily. When you realize that you have a choice at any point in time to react to any situation that comes your way. You can choose an attitude of gratitude at any point in time. I think the key to releasing victim consciousness on our planet is to live free of judgment -- judging yourself and judging others. People do not accept their responsibility and they judge themselves and others. The components to being a victim no more are releasing judgment, forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and keeping that attitude of gratitude.
You compare a victim becoming an empowered individual to humanity's collective shift from darkness to the light. Speak about that a little bit.
Rekowski: That thread of truth runs through every single thing that we seek. If you're out there seeking to awaken and to find peace, joy and happiness, that truism is right there and we have to own that. We have lightness and darkness. It's the opposites that help us to evolve. Be grateful for that and do not judge it.
It's such an important component for us to create a new habit of not judging ourselves and others.How do we do that? Judging things is such an ingrained habit. The media reinforces that every single day.
Rekowski: Yes it does -- and you know what I've done? I've detached myself from it. I purposely took time off of watching it. I don't watch the news any more. If there is a big event that occurs on our planet or in America, I hear about it. I hear about it through friends and family. They ask, "Oh, did you hear about this?" One exercise is to flip the switch and I start thinking about something positive. The key is to start practicing it. It's not to just know it in your head, it's to know it in your heart. That is the key. Live it through your heart and not in your head. When you are coming from love and from your heart center, it is impossible to judge yourself and othersIt starts with being willing. It can be that simple at the beginning of each and every day. It can be, "I am willing to release judgment." Deepak Chopra wrote that every day he would get up and say, "Help me. My intention today is to stay out of judgment of myself and others." Write that on a piece of paper and stick it up in the mirror.
Thanks to Lori Rekowski, author of A Victim No More: Living a Life Free of Judgment
Always remember, no matter what...
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Desiderata
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Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrenderbe on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantmentit is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantmentit is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline,be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.Strive to be happy.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
Frustration
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Frustration is the feeling that comes when you are being stopped from reaching your goals. It is feeling annoyed at being obstructed or criticised. An example expression arising from frustration will be "What is wrong with me? I should be able to do this."
Frustration causes a downward spiral of performance, because it wastes precious energy and attention.
There can be many others circumstances which gives rise to frustration and it is virtually impossible to list down each and every one of them. Many of these factors will vary according to individual life experiences and personalities. Psychologists, however, do believe that frustration is a result or a compliment of other emotions
The task and our performance are two factors that make up a situation.
We need to accept our actual situation instead of putting hopes on intangible imagination in which the situation may have been different. We need to transform our wishing behavior to accepting behavior.
We accept our performance by not wishing if it were different. Acceptance frees us to utilize all available energy on our next attempt.
When we observe ourselves, we can actually realize our limitations and hence work towards raising our skills. We cannot expect improvement through repeated attempts on a same tactic. In fact, doing so may result in even more frustration.
In addition, one cannot expect any improvement if one is unwilling to put in the effort for it. This mindset needs to be changed. Thomas Edison made this statement, "Success is 1% inspiration and 99% diligence." Nevertheless, one also needs to bear in mind that through repeated attempts on a same tactic may not contribute to any improvements. It is the identifying of our limitations. Realize that we only have a certain amount of energy and attention. If we get frustrated, we waste precious energy and attention and we will find ourselves stuck in a downward spiral of performance. There is this saying, "Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but it can be wasted!"
Frustration causes a downward spiral of performance, because it wastes precious energy and attention.
There can be many others circumstances which gives rise to frustration and it is virtually impossible to list down each and every one of them. Many of these factors will vary according to individual life experiences and personalities. Psychologists, however, do believe that frustration is a result or a compliment of other emotions
The task and our performance are two factors that make up a situation.
We need to accept our actual situation instead of putting hopes on intangible imagination in which the situation may have been different. We need to transform our wishing behavior to accepting behavior.
We accept our performance by not wishing if it were different. Acceptance frees us to utilize all available energy on our next attempt.
When we observe ourselves, we can actually realize our limitations and hence work towards raising our skills. We cannot expect improvement through repeated attempts on a same tactic. In fact, doing so may result in even more frustration.
In addition, one cannot expect any improvement if one is unwilling to put in the effort for it. This mindset needs to be changed. Thomas Edison made this statement, "Success is 1% inspiration and 99% diligence." Nevertheless, one also needs to bear in mind that through repeated attempts on a same tactic may not contribute to any improvements. It is the identifying of our limitations. Realize that we only have a certain amount of energy and attention. If we get frustrated, we waste precious energy and attention and we will find ourselves stuck in a downward spiral of performance. There is this saying, "Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but it can be wasted!"
EQUANIMITY: Friend, Enemy, Stranger
Visualise in front of you three persons: at the left a good friend, in the middle a stranger, to the right an enemy or someone you cannot stand.
- Concentrate on the friend in front and examine your feelings towards him or her.
- Now concentrate on the stranger and examine your feelings towards him or her.
- Now concentrate on the enemy and examine your feelings towards him or her.
- Return to the stranger and realise that this person can easily become your friend or enemy in the future.
- Next, look at the friend and realise that this person may become your enemy in the future when cheating or hurting you.
- Now, look at the enemy and realise that this person may become your friend in the future when helping you.
- Again look at your friend and try to strongly feel love and appreciation.
- Now look at the stranger and try to hold this feeling towards this person.
- Again look at your friend and try to strongly feel love and appreciation.
- Now try to hold this feeling while looking at the enemy; is it really impossible to feel some love and compassion for this person?
- Try to realise that all three, friend, stranger and enemy are completely equal in trying to become happy and trying to avoid suffering.
Thanks to http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/ for this meditation
Three steps to abundance
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One of the key elements of happiness is taking control of your thoughts. I call this "Right Thinking" Many people confuse having thoughts with thinking. Having thoughts is passive, letting something happen. While thinking is actively choosing which of our thoughts we will focus on or taking action on.
Thinking is critical to our happiness because in a single day 50,000 thoughts pass through the human mind and studies prove that about 80% of them are negative. If you question this, track your thoughts for a few minutes and see how many of them are negative. I did just that and was astonished to find out that most of them were negative judgments about me!
The problem is our thoughts come so fast that we don’t even recognize them as thoughts, we see them as "that’s the way life is" and react accordingly. We don’t have an experience of actively choosing anything. To increase our happiness we must be aware of our thoughts and choose which ones to focus on or even create new ones that are in line with our goals. We need to consciously determine where we want to put our attention because "what you focus on you will follow after." Without realizing it, many people have developed wrong thinking, or the "unhappiness habit."
The goal of right thinking is to focus on positive and productive thoughts. Right thinking doesn’t mean you ignore problems; it simply means that you handle them instead of dwelling on them. Avoiding problems led to depression and hopelessness. Focusing on solutions gives us hope as well as direction and motivation.
People who handle problems and learn to focus on positive outcomes are more successful, creative, productive, overcome obstacles, have less conflict, better relationships, and are more loving.
Three steps to abundance
Step 1: Know what you want.
This means the feeling behind what an object or person will help you to experience, not the object or person. The Universe responds literally to your thoughts, so be as specific as possible. For example, don’t wish for a better marriage when you really want to share peace and Love with another soul. Don’t think you want better health when you really want more energy and the ability to experience life. Think carefully about what you really want, so when you program for it, you’ll create a clearer picture in your mind (and Universe) so it can more easily be manifested.
Step 2: Believe you can have what you want.
You can’t have something if you don’t believe you are capable of having it or deserving of it. It’s not enough to merely desire something; you must believe you are capable of owning it. If you’re 5’9" and believe no one your height could dunk a basketball, you never will. (But no one told that to 5’7" professional-basketball-player Spud Webb.)
Application: You deserve abundance. If you think you don’t deserve something, challenge this belief. Where did this idea come from? Is it a reality? Realize that you were created to experience prosperity and abundance in all things. There is nothing you don’t deserve. It is said that anything you can conceive and believe, you can have. This is almost the case, but if you want help from the Universal Energy, there’s one more step.
Step 3: Accept that you already have what you desire.
Once you accept that you’ve already received what you created in your mind, the process is complete. If you sprain your wrist playing tennis, see it healed using a visualization technique. By creating in your mind that your injury is already healed, that image will be manifested in the physical world, and you will be back on the tennis courts much sooner. If you want to find a loving partner, center yourself and create an image of already enjoying your life with the person you desire. (It is not necessary to know who it is or to imagine a face.) If and when you are ready, the Universe will unite you!
Don’t ask!
Thought is energy. This form of energy is processed by your creative mind and printed out as your reality. If you’re centered, you co-create your printout with the power of the Universal Energy. Your thought will be much stronger, resulting in the creation of what you desire sooner.
"You can never get what you want, but you can love all you have, and you can have everything."
Sounds like a riddle, doesn’t it? By understanding and applying its secret, you unlock your potential for abundance? You can never get anything you want, ask for, or "pray" for, because your body and the Universe knows only how to give you more of what you already have. Nothing more, nothing less. Getting confusing? Hang in there.
When you ask for something, what message are you giving the Universe? The Universe hears, "I do not have what I want!" If you tell the Universe you want more money, you’re really saying, "I want more money because I don’t have enough." Why else would you ask for it? If you had enough, you wouldn’t need to ask for more. When you ask or pray for more money, you are programming the Universe to create (or maintain) your not having enough money! By telling the Universe that you already have what you desire, (i.e., enough money), you program that thought. "I have enough money" is exactly what will be printed out for you. The printout you see could be a "coincidental" financial gain, or maybe an advantageous business opportunity. Perhaps you will "out of nowhere" gain a feeling of peace and security with what you already have.
For what’s really important, it is an abundant world. Once you remember who you really are and how much creative ability you have, you can realize all your desires from within, and find the peace that had been once thought to be achieved from outside yourself.
Thanks to Pam Golden & Bruce D Schneider for this article
Thinking is critical to our happiness because in a single day 50,000 thoughts pass through the human mind and studies prove that about 80% of them are negative. If you question this, track your thoughts for a few minutes and see how many of them are negative. I did just that and was astonished to find out that most of them were negative judgments about me!
The problem is our thoughts come so fast that we don’t even recognize them as thoughts, we see them as "that’s the way life is" and react accordingly. We don’t have an experience of actively choosing anything. To increase our happiness we must be aware of our thoughts and choose which ones to focus on or even create new ones that are in line with our goals. We need to consciously determine where we want to put our attention because "what you focus on you will follow after." Without realizing it, many people have developed wrong thinking, or the "unhappiness habit."
The goal of right thinking is to focus on positive and productive thoughts. Right thinking doesn’t mean you ignore problems; it simply means that you handle them instead of dwelling on them. Avoiding problems led to depression and hopelessness. Focusing on solutions gives us hope as well as direction and motivation.
People who handle problems and learn to focus on positive outcomes are more successful, creative, productive, overcome obstacles, have less conflict, better relationships, and are more loving.
Three steps to abundance
Step 1: Know what you want.
This means the feeling behind what an object or person will help you to experience, not the object or person. The Universe responds literally to your thoughts, so be as specific as possible. For example, don’t wish for a better marriage when you really want to share peace and Love with another soul. Don’t think you want better health when you really want more energy and the ability to experience life. Think carefully about what you really want, so when you program for it, you’ll create a clearer picture in your mind (and Universe) so it can more easily be manifested.
Step 2: Believe you can have what you want.
You can’t have something if you don’t believe you are capable of having it or deserving of it. It’s not enough to merely desire something; you must believe you are capable of owning it. If you’re 5’9" and believe no one your height could dunk a basketball, you never will. (But no one told that to 5’7" professional-basketball-player Spud Webb.)
Application: You deserve abundance. If you think you don’t deserve something, challenge this belief. Where did this idea come from? Is it a reality? Realize that you were created to experience prosperity and abundance in all things. There is nothing you don’t deserve. It is said that anything you can conceive and believe, you can have. This is almost the case, but if you want help from the Universal Energy, there’s one more step.
Step 3: Accept that you already have what you desire.
Once you accept that you’ve already received what you created in your mind, the process is complete. If you sprain your wrist playing tennis, see it healed using a visualization technique. By creating in your mind that your injury is already healed, that image will be manifested in the physical world, and you will be back on the tennis courts much sooner. If you want to find a loving partner, center yourself and create an image of already enjoying your life with the person you desire. (It is not necessary to know who it is or to imagine a face.) If and when you are ready, the Universe will unite you!
Don’t ask!
Thought is energy. This form of energy is processed by your creative mind and printed out as your reality. If you’re centered, you co-create your printout with the power of the Universal Energy. Your thought will be much stronger, resulting in the creation of what you desire sooner.
"You can never get what you want, but you can love all you have, and you can have everything."
Sounds like a riddle, doesn’t it? By understanding and applying its secret, you unlock your potential for abundance? You can never get anything you want, ask for, or "pray" for, because your body and the Universe knows only how to give you more of what you already have. Nothing more, nothing less. Getting confusing? Hang in there.
When you ask for something, what message are you giving the Universe? The Universe hears, "I do not have what I want!" If you tell the Universe you want more money, you’re really saying, "I want more money because I don’t have enough." Why else would you ask for it? If you had enough, you wouldn’t need to ask for more. When you ask or pray for more money, you are programming the Universe to create (or maintain) your not having enough money! By telling the Universe that you already have what you desire, (i.e., enough money), you program that thought. "I have enough money" is exactly what will be printed out for you. The printout you see could be a "coincidental" financial gain, or maybe an advantageous business opportunity. Perhaps you will "out of nowhere" gain a feeling of peace and security with what you already have.
For what’s really important, it is an abundant world. Once you remember who you really are and how much creative ability you have, you can realize all your desires from within, and find the peace that had been once thought to be achieved from outside yourself.
Thanks to Pam Golden & Bruce D Schneider for this article
Stay On Track
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1. SPEND TIME PLANNING AND ORGANIZING. Using time to think and plan is time well-spent. In fact, if you fail to take time for planning, you are, in effect, planning to fail. Organize in a way that makes sense to you. If you need color and pictures, use a lot on your calendar or planning book. Some people need to have papers filed away; others get their creative energy from their piles. So forget the "shoulds" and organize your way.
2. SET GOALS. Goals give your life, and the way you spend your time, direction. When asked the secret to amassing such a fortune, one of the famous Hunt brothers from Texas replied: "First you've got to decide what you want." Set goals that are specific, measurable, realistic and achievable. Your optimum goals are those that cause you to "stretch" but not "break" as you strive for achievement. Goals can give creative people a much-needed sense of direction.
3. PRIORITIZE. Use the 80-20 Rule originally stated by the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who noted that 80 percent of the reward comes from 20 percent of the effort. The trick to prioritizing is to isolate and identify that valuable 20 percent. Once identified, prioritize time to concentrate your work on those items with the greatest reward. Prioritize by color, number or letter — whichever method makes the most sense to you. Flagging items with a deadline is another idea for helping you stick to your priorities.
4. USE A TO DO LIST. Some people thrive using a daily To Do list which they construct either the last thing the previous day or first thing in the morning. Such people may combine a To Do list with a calendar or schedule. Others prefer a "running" To Do list which is continuously being updated. Or, you may prefer a combination of the two previously described To Do lists. Whatever method works is best for you. Don't be afraid to try a new system — you just might find one that works even better than your present one!
5. BE FLEXIBLE. Allow time for interruptions and distractions. Time management experts often suggest planning for just 50 percent or less of one's time. With only 50 percent of your time planned, you will have the flexibility to handle interruptions and the unplanned "emergency." When you expect to be interrupted, schedule routine tasks. Save (or make) larger blocks of time for your priorities. When interrupted, ask Alan Lakein's crucial question, "What is the most important thing I can be doing with my time right now?" to help you get back on track fast.
6. CONSIDER YOUR BIOLOGICAL PRIME TIME. That's the time of day when you are at your best. Are you a "morning person," a "night owl," or a late afternoon "whiz?" Knowing when your best time is and planning to use that time of day for your priorities (if possible) is effective time management.
7. DO THE RIGHT THING RIGHT. Noted management expert, Peter Drucker, says "doing the right thing is more important than doing things right." Doing the right thing is effectiveness; doing things right is efficiency. Focus first on effectiveness (identifying what is the right thing to do), then concentrate on efficiency (doing it right).
8. ELIMINATE THE URGENT. Urgent tasks have short-term consequences while important tasks are those with long-term, goal-related implications. Work towards reducing the urgent things you must do so you'll have time for your important priorities. Flagging or highlighting items on your To Do list or attaching a deadline to each item may help keep important items from becoming urgent emergencies.
9. PRACTICE THE ART OF INTELLIGENT NEGLECT. Eliminate from your life trivial tasks or those tasks which do not have long-term consequences for you. Can you delegate or eliminate any of your To Do list? Work on those tasks which you alone can do.
10. AVOID BEING A PERFECTIONIST. In the Malaysian culture, only the gods are considered capable of producing anything perfect. Whenever something is made, a flaw is left on purpose so the gods will not be offended. Yes, some things need to be closer to perfect than others, but perfectionism, paying unnecessary attention to detail, can be a form of procrastination.
11. CONQUER PROCRASTINATION. One technique to try is the "Swiss cheese" method described by Alan Lakein. When you are avoiding something, break it into smaller tasks and do just one of the smaller tasks or set a timer and work on the big task for just 15 minutes. By doing a little at a time, eventually you'll reach a point where you'll want to finish.
12. LEARN TO SAY "NO." Such a small word — and so hard to say. Focusing on your goals may help. Blocking time for important, but often not scheduled, priorities such as family and friends can also help. But first you must be convinced that you and your priorities are important — that seems to be the hardest part in learning to say "no." Once convinced of their importance, saying "no" to the unimportant in life gets easier.
13. REWARD YOURSELF. Even for small successes, celebrate achievement of goals. Promise yourself a reward for completing each task, or finishing the total job. Then keep your promise to yourself and indulge in your reward. Doing so will help you maintain the necessary balance in life between work and play. As Ann McGee-Cooper says, "If we learn to balance excellence in work with excellence in play, fun, and relaxation, our lives become happier, healthier, and a great deal more creative."
from the web
2. SET GOALS. Goals give your life, and the way you spend your time, direction. When asked the secret to amassing such a fortune, one of the famous Hunt brothers from Texas replied: "First you've got to decide what you want." Set goals that are specific, measurable, realistic and achievable. Your optimum goals are those that cause you to "stretch" but not "break" as you strive for achievement. Goals can give creative people a much-needed sense of direction.
3. PRIORITIZE. Use the 80-20 Rule originally stated by the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who noted that 80 percent of the reward comes from 20 percent of the effort. The trick to prioritizing is to isolate and identify that valuable 20 percent. Once identified, prioritize time to concentrate your work on those items with the greatest reward. Prioritize by color, number or letter — whichever method makes the most sense to you. Flagging items with a deadline is another idea for helping you stick to your priorities.
4. USE A TO DO LIST. Some people thrive using a daily To Do list which they construct either the last thing the previous day or first thing in the morning. Such people may combine a To Do list with a calendar or schedule. Others prefer a "running" To Do list which is continuously being updated. Or, you may prefer a combination of the two previously described To Do lists. Whatever method works is best for you. Don't be afraid to try a new system — you just might find one that works even better than your present one!
5. BE FLEXIBLE. Allow time for interruptions and distractions. Time management experts often suggest planning for just 50 percent or less of one's time. With only 50 percent of your time planned, you will have the flexibility to handle interruptions and the unplanned "emergency." When you expect to be interrupted, schedule routine tasks. Save (or make) larger blocks of time for your priorities. When interrupted, ask Alan Lakein's crucial question, "What is the most important thing I can be doing with my time right now?" to help you get back on track fast.
6. CONSIDER YOUR BIOLOGICAL PRIME TIME. That's the time of day when you are at your best. Are you a "morning person," a "night owl," or a late afternoon "whiz?" Knowing when your best time is and planning to use that time of day for your priorities (if possible) is effective time management.
7. DO THE RIGHT THING RIGHT. Noted management expert, Peter Drucker, says "doing the right thing is more important than doing things right." Doing the right thing is effectiveness; doing things right is efficiency. Focus first on effectiveness (identifying what is the right thing to do), then concentrate on efficiency (doing it right).
8. ELIMINATE THE URGENT. Urgent tasks have short-term consequences while important tasks are those with long-term, goal-related implications. Work towards reducing the urgent things you must do so you'll have time for your important priorities. Flagging or highlighting items on your To Do list or attaching a deadline to each item may help keep important items from becoming urgent emergencies.
9. PRACTICE THE ART OF INTELLIGENT NEGLECT. Eliminate from your life trivial tasks or those tasks which do not have long-term consequences for you. Can you delegate or eliminate any of your To Do list? Work on those tasks which you alone can do.
10. AVOID BEING A PERFECTIONIST. In the Malaysian culture, only the gods are considered capable of producing anything perfect. Whenever something is made, a flaw is left on purpose so the gods will not be offended. Yes, some things need to be closer to perfect than others, but perfectionism, paying unnecessary attention to detail, can be a form of procrastination.
11. CONQUER PROCRASTINATION. One technique to try is the "Swiss cheese" method described by Alan Lakein. When you are avoiding something, break it into smaller tasks and do just one of the smaller tasks or set a timer and work on the big task for just 15 minutes. By doing a little at a time, eventually you'll reach a point where you'll want to finish.
12. LEARN TO SAY "NO." Such a small word — and so hard to say. Focusing on your goals may help. Blocking time for important, but often not scheduled, priorities such as family and friends can also help. But first you must be convinced that you and your priorities are important — that seems to be the hardest part in learning to say "no." Once convinced of their importance, saying "no" to the unimportant in life gets easier.
13. REWARD YOURSELF. Even for small successes, celebrate achievement of goals. Promise yourself a reward for completing each task, or finishing the total job. Then keep your promise to yourself and indulge in your reward. Doing so will help you maintain the necessary balance in life between work and play. As Ann McGee-Cooper says, "If we learn to balance excellence in work with excellence in play, fun, and relaxation, our lives become happier, healthier, and a great deal more creative."
from the web
Get Involved in Living!
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1. Spend some time getting to know yourself. This doesn't necessarily mean hours of reflection. You can also learn a lot more about who you are by getting out in the world and doing things. Meet people, take up hobbies, volunteer – you'll discover much about the world and reinforce your own sense of self at the same time. Get involved in your life!
2. Act. When you're feeling insecure or doubting your abilities, don't hide away. Take a deep breath, get out there, and do the very things you're unsure about ... even if you have to start small. If, for example, you want to act in a play, but you're not sure you can do it, why not sign up for a very small part? You'll build your confidence.
3. Conquer fear: take risks. Sometimes life requires a small "leap of faith." You'll feel good that you took some risks, even if they don't always work out as well as you hope. At least you can say you tried!
4. Stand up for yourself. Low self-esteem often leads to lack of assertiveness; and when we don't voice what we want and need, we end up feeling worse about who we are. Build your assertiveness skills, and it will get easier in time.
5. Set personal goals. Decide where you'd like to go, and make a reasonable, yet challenging, plan to get there. Set deadlines and a system of rewards to keep you going. (A goal, by the way, doesn't have to be a huge life decision, like "become a doctor". It can be anything you want to have in your life, like "Make one new friend" or "Learn to make jam.")
6. Learn from – but let go of – mistakes. Absolutely everyone, no matter how perfect they may seem, messes up from time to time. This is how we learn – like the process of learning to walk as children. If we don't stumble, we don't learn how to keep our balance. Keep this in mind as you venture out into the world. Be gentle with yourself.
7. Do things on your own – don't rely on others to make you feel good. One potential trap of a shaky self-esteem is dependency on others. The real truth is, if you feel a void inside, no one can fill it but you. While healthy relationships are important for happiness, more important is the relationship we have with ourselves.
8. Don't compare yourself to others. You may look at someone and think they have something you don't, but the fact is they may be looking at you and thinking the very same thing. Someone may be better than you are at tennis, for example, but you can tell a much better joke. Judge yourself by your own standards, for you are unique!
9. Associate with people who affirm who you are. Do you have toxic relationships with people who criticize you or make you feel small? Take a good look at the people you surround yourself with and how they affect your self-esteem.
10. Learn to say "no." You will be surprised how much simpler it is than you think. When you really can't or don't want to do something, say so. (In, of course, a polite and non-aggressive manner.)
11. Practice truthfulness. Avoid white lies. We often fib because we think we are sparing feelings or making things easier, but dishonesty only ends up making us feel bad about ourselves. Don't present a false face.
12. Practice positive affirmations. Write down 5 or 10 things you really like about yourself. And next time a negative thought pops into your mind, replace it with something positive.
13. Find things you enjoy. Whether it's sewing, drawing, swimming or karate, hobbies are a big self-esteem booster. Even if we are not experts, doing something for the pleasure and challenge builds our sense of who we are.
14. Use visualization techniques. If you're anxious or doubtful about your ability to do something (ask your boss for a raise or compete in a marathon, for example), practice visualizing that moment in detail. Imagine yourself pulling it off smoothly. It'll lower your fear and boost your confidence.
15. Enhance your ability to cope with stress. It's not so easy to believe in yourself if you're stressed out. Develop a repertoire of strategies for calming your spirit and incorporate them into your life as much as possible (like reading a good book, talking to friends, riding a horse or taking a bubble bath).
16. Shun perfectionism. Interestingly, there is a high correlation between perfectionism and low self-esteem. The more you strive to be perfect, the more frustrated you become when you realize it's impossible! Be aware of any perfectionist tendencies you have and keep them in check.
17. Make a list of your accomplishments. Include anything that made you feel good about yourself, without thinking about whether it is technically an "accomplishment" or not. (Your ability to relate to children, your chess talent, the amazing cookies you make, the great short story you wrote.) Refer to it whenever you need a boost.
18. Live in the moment. The more time you spend dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, the more of the present you are wasting. Life is NOW, and you should get out there and embrace it.
19. Do things for others. It's easy to get wrapped up in your own little world and forget that there are people out there who are in need. Give to others (your time, company, whatever you have to share) and you'll find yourself feeling better about yourself.
20. Take care of yourself physically. Eat well, get enough sleep, kick nasty habits and get some exercise. Treat your body like it deserves to be treated!
Copyright: Ilona Jerabek, Ph.D.
Fear is no friend of mine.
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Responding to a comment....
Thanks for your note. It would appear that you are quite self-aware and have a good understanding of how fear and anxiety impact you and your life. We are all fearful and anxious from time to time – we need to be for survival. No fear is not a good thing.
I used to wonder “why” about things like fear, sadness, anger, etc. but realized that knowing the “why” wasn’t really helpful for me in dealing with it – the emotion/feeling was still there, I just knew a little more about it. I began asking myself “Does Fear (or whatever thought or feeling arose) have my best interest at heart?” “Is Anger helping me or hindering me at this moment?” Answering these types of questions got me to thinking about something other than the thought/emotion and that turned out to be the first step away from it. Thinking about why seemed to extend the time I spent and depth I went to with it and that kept me from moving forward.
Fear and anxiety know you pretty well and you have a tight/close relationship with them. They sound more like bullies on the playground rather than good friends who want to see you do well and feel well. (Their cousin “good fear” has a different personality and purpose – we like “good fear” and value his friendship). Seems they are pretty cagey too. They used to give you warning, now they have caught on to your hightened awareness skills and now sneak up on you. Not only that, they seem to keep taunting you throughout the day. Nasty buggers they.
You write “. it's like i touch the door handle to the room of fear and anxiety in my brain and sometimes i can walk straight by but other times i feel myself enter it. the times that i enter i feel like i have a few seconds where i could stop and turn around but instead of acting i freeze and am left with just the thoughts of 'don't go in, don't go in.' then i go in and i panic” – and that is an interesting metaphor. I wonder about those times that you walk by and do not enter. What makes those times different from the times that you do enter?
I used to wonder “why” about things like fear, sadness, anger, etc. but realized that knowing the “why” wasn’t really helpful for me in dealing with it – the emotion/feeling was still there, I just knew a little more about it. I began asking myself “Does Fear (or whatever thought or feeling arose) have my best interest at heart?” “Is Anger helping me or hindering me at this moment?” Answering these types of questions got me to thinking about something other than the thought/emotion and that turned out to be the first step away from it. Thinking about why seemed to extend the time I spent and depth I went to with it and that kept me from moving forward.
Fear and anxiety know you pretty well and you have a tight/close relationship with them. They sound more like bullies on the playground rather than good friends who want to see you do well and feel well. (Their cousin “good fear” has a different personality and purpose – we like “good fear” and value his friendship). Seems they are pretty cagey too. They used to give you warning, now they have caught on to your hightened awareness skills and now sneak up on you. Not only that, they seem to keep taunting you throughout the day. Nasty buggers they.
You write “. it's like i touch the door handle to the room of fear and anxiety in my brain and sometimes i can walk straight by but other times i feel myself enter it. the times that i enter i feel like i have a few seconds where i could stop and turn around but instead of acting i freeze and am left with just the thoughts of 'don't go in, don't go in.' then i go in and i panic” – and that is an interesting metaphor. I wonder about those times that you walk by and do not enter. What makes those times different from the times that you do enter?
As to “facing” your fear – it seems you do that when you enter the room – and then Fear isn’t very nice to you. Emotions arise in us and we do NOT have control over them. We have control over our behavior. When you run or distract yourself from Fear, after a while Fear goes away. Fear didn’t get your attention and so it left. Fear is not always with you. It is not there when you are being kind and generous, and when you are loving, when you are being compassionate, when you are enjoying the company of joy, bliss and peace.
Fear will continue to arise throughout our lives. I choose to not befriend Fear anymore, choose not to let Fear bully me into doing things that make me despair, cause me pain, make me do self-destructive things. My best friends are Peace, Compassion, Ecstasy, and Joy. Whenever Fear comes around I call on my friends to help stand up against Fear and tell Fear that he is not welcome in my home, in my neighborhood, in my life. The “bad” kind of fear has nothing to teach me, nothing to give me that will make me a better person – he only steals from me, robs me of energy and opportunity. “Good” Fear protects but bad Fear hurts me. I don’t need to understand anything more about him – he has made himself very well known to me – and it sounds like he has done so to you too. What more do you need to know about him? Doesn’t getting to know Joy and Bliss sound more exciting? Would you hit on Fear at a bar or club and ask it out for a date or would you prefer to ask Bliss out to a movie or dinner?
I remember my mother saying “you are judged by the company you keep” – and she is right. When people saw me hanging around with Fear, and Anger, and Self-Pity, and Defeat, and the Complainer, they didn’t want to get to know me. Who could blame them. When I started hanging out with the others, Joy, Bliss, etc…I became quite popular.
I am glad you say that you are a happy person. That means you probably are friends with Joy & Bliss and their group too. You say “i feel compelled to search deep into life” – well good. But, going deep doesn’t mean looking for the worst possible companions, manufacturing unpleasant feelings and experiences, etc. – Life will bring all that to us on its own in its natural course. In the meantime, I’m gonna party with my friends. When the rough times come, I’ll have supportive company. I guess I just don't have time for Fear, Anxiety, Boredom, Kvetching, Blame or any of that crowd. (And, ya know, they don't dress very well either. Bliss wears Miu Miu, Joy - Vivian Westwood, of course.....those others seem bent on non descript dull outfits - I guess that's so they can move about sneakily and unnoticed 'til its too late.)
Peace, Joy, Bliss, and the gang send their best regards.
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